Spiritual Guidance
An odd thing that has happened to me recently and I will try my very best to put it into words. If there are anyone out there who has experience a similar spiritual journey it would be great to hear about your experience.
There are times that we fall and we get back on our feet, some people take a long time some people have it easier than others. While my life is blessed with love and peace, regardless of any situation my instinct has always directed me to what is true or rather what is the truth. A calling to a journey rather than just living and being settled. I always had an inquisitive nature and often question a lot of my thoughts or rather voices that I have believed that were my thoughts. Now that I am nearing 30, I look back at my life and ponder about my childhood, teenage years and my younger 20′s years. Every 30 year old seem to do this.
On one hand, I have always been confused about why I had always thought and did things very different from my family. On the other, I never really understood my inner self well enough to have confidence in myself as a person. With these two very confusing state, I have become a very confused adult. 
However, recently I have chanced upon the spiritual side of me which I have never really thought about before though I know that it is there, I just never really accepted it. After all, when I try to talk about it with some people… its either strange looks or just some form of dismissal, like a phase I’m going through.
The strange thing is, it awaken inside me after a meeting with some strangers and people. At first I was frantic and panicked because I didn’t know what it was… it felt like as if I didn’t know who I was anymore. At first I thought it’s because of my heartache thats why I was confused for a while, it is rather understandable as everyone goes through this phase in life. Though I do admit that the loss did trigger my spirit side but it was weird at first when suddenly there were callings and desire to call these strangers, suddenly I felt compelled to do certain things that I have thought before but never did it (some may say that ‘oh its because right now your single and its an opportunity to do things you never could do when your in a relationship before’. There could be so many versions and reasons to justify what I was feeling, but some part of me told me is the right thing to do and its the truth, and I knew that… that was all that mattered. When I chanced to talk to these strangers, I felt uplifted… its like whatever clouds that I had before it’s slowly removing itself layers by layers. Doubts, fears and insecurities of myself as a person just seemed to peel itself slowly away from me. All the social conditionings and falsehoods, so called ‘realities’ just floated away and when I embraced it I felt light and some part of the truths revealed. It felt so good… I wouldn’t say that it came immediately, it took time as 28 years of growing up in this reality did have most part of me. I am still learning so much about it, everyday seemed like a new day, everyday I learn and see different things. Some sad… some good, its not black and white but it’s the whole thing.
It’s been about 2 weeks now ever since this meeting happened and I am still learning so much, not only about myself but about the nature of things. It’s self-discovery on a whole new level! I still do have thoughts that haunts me and in the past I usually would think about it and sometimes would get no answer, get flustered and stressed and bury it there or let go with feelings of anger, disappointment or just surrender . Now, I could see truth in certain things, I could let go not feeling afraid. I have some days that brings me down still but then I remember love and compassion, suddenly the anger and hurt dissipates gradually. So far the truth that I know is, human emotions and our minds are our most fearful enemies. It’s what stands between our happiness and success.
Day by day, as time passes by… I feel and seem different. People who are close to me could see it. Stronger? No I don’t see it as that. More comfortable with myself, now that I know myself more and realized there is this part of me I never knew and I found my inner peace. I hope I don’t lose it. Anyone who is going through this amazing experience, I would be glad to know that you are going through this similar journey too.
With love.
