Richard the Skeleton was one of the few ideas I had that came to life. Though my team members did most of the 3D model. I only did the textures and 5 secs of animation. Hehe… Missing my old Uni days.

http://www.switch.tv/videos/103

No idea of where we were going to stay and no idea of what we were going to do next. We just went with the flow with no pressure and certainly just did what we liked. This part of the trip certainly made me feel ‘free’. No qualms and certainly no expectations, no timings except for bus time tickets were the only ‘boring’ time. Other than that it was a whole lot of adventure, traveling from Siem Reap to Sihanouk Ville to Phnom Penh. I exchanged to 380USD and came back with 1 USD note. LOL for 8 days travel that’s a pretty darn good spending, including accommodation, transport, expeditions to Angkor Wat, shopping, food and etc.

Stayed in Guesthouses and chalets, and I will be truly honest here… I have never ever stayed in these type of accommodations before. So its a first but also the most fun. For the first two nights we stayed in Siem Reap, I showered from the tap as the shower pressure was a bitch, the poor water was trickling from the shower. But when one is so tired and badly needed a shower, really who freakin’ cares at this point whether its from tap or shower head. The guest-house we stayed in was in Old Town of Siem Reap and cost us less than RM30 a night. Bed was good… lucky no bed bugs which I tend to freak out about budget rooms and the food was good. After Gesika and I ‘templed’ ourselves out in Siem Reap, we walked around the ‘Pub Street’ and we were so mesmerized seeing from the littles cafe’s, galleries, markets and little cute boutiques throughout our walks. Our tour guide is truly a great guide… laughing, talking and taking us around to eat their delicacies. Delighted to show us what Siem Reap is all about.

Siem Reap - Angkor

Ego is the very thing that manifests in all of us while growing up. Those who are not even aware of it, man oh man, is a bitch-slap. If carry on for too long, it will ultimately destroy a person. To know ego is to know the very reaction you make and the words you use. Which is to say the everyday communication you have with the people around you. Yes social and personal communication. To dwell in deeper one must understand the state of your being which is why I mentioned the first book. Aha!

Being-ness and unconditional love is provided only if you can get past the social conditioning’s and falsehoods. But once your here and you know when your there, there is no second guessing, doubt, fear and illusion thoughts. Illusion thoughts? The one that tells you what you like and don’t like. The one that has you in check that when someone is doing better than you, beware! The one that tells you beggars can’t be choosers and also the one that tells you to be superior. It comes in all forms… and it may be seen as ego or social conditioning’s.

To know the self and being is when one becomes aware. Aware of the rising insanity ego, aware of the emotions fueling reactions, aware of the body reacting, aware of everything around you. That is the beginning of the discovery of true sense of self. Which in turns of course not only make you feel better, work, stand and live life the best as it can get. Spiritual journey is not just about self-discovery and dreaming, its realizing your own potential and living life filled with more than you can ever dream of, it is life success.

Ever wonder why we hear about people’s wealth? It takes a whole lotta steps to get there and it is with Divine faith, Divine Intelligence and Creativeness. It’s not just wisdom but the understanding of self, its not just about limitations anymore, its achieving.

Now when this comes into play, may hap comes the ego which creeps its way because well nearly every man has an enemy. When this happens, the ego will manifests into thinking that its doing so much better than the rest, the sense of ‘i’ and ‘myself’ deserve this right, this is ‘mine’ and that is ‘yours’, ‘i’ don’t need you (sounds familiar?) and other egoic behaviors. Yeah and then when all seems so well, an explosive downfall. Now this has happened to some families and friends I know, you heard it before. It becomes hell on earth! Getting so caught up in it but not realizing what happened, ya, that’s what happened. It can be any situation, not only wealth.

But those who knows and understand their sense of self and inner within, will there be truly success for they are blessed with understanding of love, compassion and inner peace.

Perhaps the experiences I’ve experienced as of so far is to bring me to here… this moment. Who knows? But the lessons that I’ve experienced, I am thankful – for if I never knew, I will never truly understand what I have seek.

On the edge of... (you think what you like)

In the month of December, I traveled to Singapore and to Vietnam. I stayed in Singapore for 3 weeks and though it sounds like a long MIA trip, it was needed to get equal amounts of alone time and sharing my time with my best friends and sister/future brother-in-law. It was a trip that was filled with love and affection. I can’t really describe it in any words, but it sincerely was.

Xmas in Singapore with Sis and Andy

I then traveled to Vietnam for 6 day trip and reconcile with my parents and brother. Vietnam was a trip that made me feel that the nation was filled with suppression, fear, doubts and pain. Though meeting up with family was good, I can’t help but notice the feelings that I received. I may be empathic which I am still discovering this spiritual part of me. I did not know much about Vietnam except the fact that it went through 1 world war and 2 other terrible wars with the Japanese and French.

Happy New Year in Vietnam

The minute I stepped out the plane, I was quiet and felt so much feelings. It generally is a bad habit when one feels another spirit and communicates and talk with the spirit. But generally, there is nothing to be afraid of… this I knew. The best way to counter this feeling is to detach and stay calm which is the best method to practice. Anyhow, what I felt was the nation and did my very best to live in the present which helped me a lot.

Vietnam has become one of the most popular destinations in South East Asia and we went on to exploring the south of Vietnam. Which was Hue – Hoi An – Ho Chi Minh City (Saigon). The flight delays with Jetstar Pacific was horrible and the hotels in Hoi An were disappointing. It’s not the accommodation that were complaining about, but its the service that was horrendous. To me, if your planning to travel Vietnam go to Halong Bay and Hanoi instead unless you want to tailor lots of clothes then its worth the trip to Hoi An. Vietnam’s hospitality and welcoming was not very warm, unlike Thailand or any other countries I have been to. When traveling around Vietnam… do opt for the ‘motorbike riders’ -  if your the adventurous type – they are just as good as any travel guides, way cheaper and way more fun to travel around Vietnam!

Vietnam on Easy Rider

By the way, if you wanna get this rider’s number, contact me. His English is good, very safe and a skillful biker.

I shall ride in to 2011 with adventure, fun and much love! Woo hoo

There are times that we fall and we get back on our feet, some people take a long time some people have it easier than others. While my life is blessed with love and peace, regardless of any situation my instinct has always directed me to what is true or rather what is the truth. A calling to a journey rather than just living and being settled. I always had an inquisitive nature and often question a lot of my thoughts or rather voices that I have believed that were my thoughts. Now that I am nearing 30, I look back at my life and ponder about my childhood, teenage years and my younger 20′s years. Every 30 year old seem to do this.

On one hand, I have always been confused about why I had always thought and did things very different from my family. On the other, I never really understood my inner self well enough to have confidence in myself as a person. With these two very confusing state, I have become a very confused adult. However, recently I have chanced upon the spiritual side of me which I have never really thought about before though I know that it is there, I just never really accepted it. After all, when I try to talk about it with some people… its either strange looks or just some form of dismissal, like a phase I’m going through.

The strange thing is, it awaken inside me after a meeting with some strangers and people. At first I was frantic and panicked because I didn’t know what it was… it felt like as if I didn’t know who I was anymore. At first I thought it’s because of my heartache thats why I was confused for a while, it is rather understandable as everyone goes through this phase in life. Though I do admit that the loss did trigger my spirit side but it was weird at first when suddenly there were callings and desire to call these strangers, suddenly I felt compelled to do certain things that I have thought before but never did it (some may say that ‘oh its because right now your single and its an opportunity to do things you never could do when your in a relationship before’. There could be so many versions and reasons to justify what I was feeling, but some part of me told me is the right thing to do and its the truth, and I knew that… that was all  that mattered. When I chanced to talk to these strangers, I felt uplifted… its like whatever clouds that I had before it’s slowly removing itself layers by layers. Doubts, fears and insecurities of myself as a person just seemed to peel itself slowly away from me. All the social conditionings and falsehoods, so called ‘realities’ just floated away and when I embraced it I felt light and some part of the truths revealed. It felt so good… I wouldn’t say that it came immediately, it took time as 28 years of growing up in this reality did have most part of me. I am still learning so much about it, everyday seemed like a new day, everyday I learn and see different things. Some sad… some good, its not black and white but it’s the whole thing.

It’s been about 2 weeks now ever since this meeting happened and I am still learning so much, not only about myself but about the nature of things. It’s self-discovery on a whole new level! I still do have thoughts that haunts me and in the past I usually would think about it and sometimes would get no answer, get flustered and stressed and bury it there or let go with feelings of anger, disappointment or just surrender . Now, I could see truth in certain things, I could let go not feeling afraid. I have some days that brings me down still but then I remember love and compassion, suddenly the anger and hurt dissipates gradually. So far the truth that I know is, human emotions and our minds are our most fearful enemies. It’s what stands between our happiness and success.

Day by day, as time passes by… I feel and seem different. People who are close to me could see it. Stronger? No I don’t see it as that. More comfortable with myself, now that I know myself more and realized there is this part of me I never knew and I found my inner peace. I hope I don’t lose it.  Anyone who is going through this amazing experience, I would be glad to know that you are going through this similar journey too.

With love.

My birthday is coming up and in the past 2 years, now this is going to be sad… I’ve not had good memories about my birthday in the past 2 years. So this time around, it’s bloody time for me to have a good one. How good it will be? I will let u know soon but I intend to make the month of December a celebratory one as I’ve been through hell and back in the past… 1.5 – 2 months.

Now rewinding back for the past 2 months, my fiance broke up with me. Yeap that’s the one that broke me in half literally and least to say, it was HELL! Anybody who is going through this (which I sincerely hope no one does), it freaking is a tough one to come back even though I am an optimistic and idealistic person. I am sure that there are other worse scenarios than mine, such as bills to pay, health issues, family crisis and life in general is hard. Guess what? Ya I went through it too, not as hard but enough to know. But being the person that believes in love and yes I trusted my man, and yes I also dream of having a future with this man even though I know it was going to be tough and difficult, my heart broke the minute my man has lost faith and confidence in the relationship. It’s one of the things like when your family tells you to leave and never come back because your a disgrace. I guess I took it equal, as to me marriage is like family. I took it hard but I own up to it instead of playing the victim game. Empowering,recovering and healing yourself again after this kind of breakup seriously tests so much of myself that I actually felt like Bella in ‘Twlight’. Ya like WTF? Compassion, patience, love, and all the questions you ask when you breakup. Oh ya… it sucks majorly. I even ask my goddess to kill me if there’s an opportunity. I just felt like all the energy and belief got sucked out of me and I walked around like ‘dead’ for a while. It was so bad, it hurt, and it pained to the point that even it affected my health. I walked like a dead and even reacted like a dead.

Now with that being said, I still have feelings for him. Those of you who would tell me to change my mind otherwise, I have tried. It’s still new that’s why I’m feeling blue? Yea, I’ve thought about that. When I love… I love hard. I made the choice to love a man who not only feels he is not good enough but also one who feels that this relationship is just too hard and not worth it. When I believe otherwise and that sucks because while I may be dreamy and thought that we can overcome obstacles, the truth is he is not dreamy like me. Some people may find me annoying that way, how naive the way I think and guess what… it often works for me. To wallow in the pain for too long, I feel is a silly thing to do… coz the pain will always be there. To think that life is hard… it will forever be hard. To think money is hard to come by… ya it will be difficult to come by. Instead I like to think that ‘Life is not hard’ and somehow it really does work for me that way, ‘Life is good’ and really my life is good. Easier said than done, it takes a lot of energy to psyche yourself into it.

A lot of people come and tell me, you have no idea how hard it is to live on your own. Truth is, yes I do just that I made the choice not to. I live with my family and I’m moving out soon and even then, I don’t think it would be very very hard. I will be busy for sure but not very very difficult. Sure I will go through rough times but I love independence and freedom that way, and I know I will be fine. Some will come and tell me, you will always have your family behind you. While I am fortunate that way, I don’t abuse it and I don’t intend to. I have the loving and support but I never asks for a penny, seems foolish. All the throwbacks that one can possibly come and tell me that I am ignorant, truth is I look at things differently. Well you can ask Louise Hay about that and its true. Mayhap I look at life in a very light way and not let other things bring me down, because I know that if I do it will just make life seems so much more harder to live. Life is so complicated as it is, why make it harder?

While I may ramble about all of this, the one thing that I have learned from this experience is to not only ‘let go’ of my past and future but to APPROVE myself. I never knew how much it meant to me until I tried it in the mirror. So for those of you out there who has insecurities, please allow yourself this moment to tell yourself that you love yourself and approve yourself. I know it sounds kinda stupid, but it works.

I’m alive and overall life is good but I do have the occasional pain and despair that everyone goes through in life once in a while.

Speaking of which there is a good story on that; one that involves star-crossed lovers and heartbreak.

While most people generally don’t really like to read about whining and complain… I second that too by the way. I find that no matter how hard life can be, there is always a flip side to things. Optimistic nature… well ya I like to look at it that way. Idealistic? Yes and I intend to make a good example of it. Which brings me to my inspiration event to those who could come please do.

It is tentatively call Heartbreak Souls which I am organizing and with some friends on the side too. It is still in pitching mode but once its ready, it will be an all out workshop which I intend to bring it to life as I feel that its good to share as were not the only souls in the world that are suppressed by economy, family, love and life. For now it is brainstormed as a painting or art expression workshop – that allows people to gather and express on-going daily suppression in life in art forms.

While I’m still at the drawing board for that, I also have just started a business of my own with a friend of mine. Company’s name is Jungle Mediahaus and we are also still doing our company profile. Once up and running… call us anytime!

So I will start my blogging journal… and it’s been a while since I’ve posted anything.

Love,

Yuinny

However how does one deal with their inner demons… insecurities.

I have friends who made their fair share of mistakes and regrets, I for one have made mine too. In the essence of it all, sometimes I ponder (which to say its been years that I ponder this question), is it karma? Buddhism teaches one to be calm and open-minded, and I am a Buddhist, naturally when things go bad you sometimes think is this my karma? Then somehow you try to find justification in what has or had happened, and sometimes it click and at times it doesn’t. This time around I had to learn to let things go, fear, pain, rejection, feeling stupid… all of it go, it was a parasite in a way but an addictive one. It seems to me that this fear has been a built up and it lives in everyone. There is no control over it.

I have friends who have been there for me through  my times of need and my family is supportive of the decisions I make. I could not have asked for more. To touch on the topic of insecurity is a relative general fear that lives in everyone. But when do you draw the line that your insecurity (which is your suffering), take over your need of self control? It was difficult to surpass this thought and it haunts my every action I take and every word I say, to the point  that now it sort of is part of me, because this insecurity was with me for so long, probably my growing up years. To let go of my insecurity slowly day by day has been the toughest thing I’ve done as of so far, but rewarding nonetheless.

One of the few things I realized that has come to pass, is that I cannot have a relationship that has hidden layers of lies and deceit. Partners, who keeps things to themselves and not share their lives, hide and cover up their acts, who lies in my face so casually and act so brutishly when you asked them a question and they retaliate. To let go of this is the most difficult thing to do, because some what I feel kinda stupid if I do this. But I understand that it’s because of this ideal a lot of it influence my reactions, and it somewhat made me jump to conclusions about a lot of things. Which is to say the wrong thing to do, doesn’t mean that one cannot be the bigger person about it.

Feel confused? Ya I shall stop.

This song, was one of the few songs that I listened to all the time and I thought it’s nice to share this song with anyone who reads this post.

Originally written by Kanye West and I must say that the lyrics to this song was so amazing, it helped me to get over what I was so angry about, to confronting my fears and finally a resolve.

Kris Allen, winner of American Idol – not a bad looking chap if i do say, but nonetheless his rendition version of this song was probably one of the best I heard since David Cook’s ‘Alway’s Be My Baby’ version.

Kris Allen

Heartless

In the night I hear him talk coldest story ever told

Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul

To a woman so heartless

How could you be so heartless?

Oh, how could you be so heartless?

 

How could you be so cold as the winter wind when it breeze, yo?

Just remember you that talkin’ to me though

You need to watch the way you talkin’ to me, you know

 

I mean after all the things that we been through

I mean after all the things we got into

And yo, I know there are some things that you ain’t told me

And yo, I did some things, but that’s the old me

 

And now you wanna give me back and you gon’ show me

So you walk around like you don’t know me

You got a new friend, well, I got homeys

But it the end it’s still so lonely

 

In the night I hear him talk the coldest story ever told

Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul,

To a woman so heartless

How could you be so heartless?

Oh, how could you be so heartless?

 

How could you be so Dr. Evil?

You’re bringing out a side of me that I don’t know,

I decided we weren’t gonna speak so

Why are up 3 a.m. on the phone?

 

Why does she be so mad at me for?

Homey, I don’t know she’s hot and cold,

I won’t stop, I won’t mess my groove up

Cause I already know how this thing goes

 

You run and tell you’re friends that you’re leavin’ me

They say that they don’t see what you see in me

You wait a couple months then you gone’ see

You’ll never find nobody better than me

 

Cause’ in the night I hear him talk the coldest story ever told

Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul,

To a woman so heartless

How could you be so heartless?

Oh, how could you be so heartless?

 

Talkin’, talkin’, talkin’, talk

Baby lets just knock it off

They don’t know what we’ve been through

They don’t know ’bout me and you

 

So I got something new to see

And you just gon’ keep hatin’ me

And we just gon’ be enemies

 

I know you can’t believe

I could just leave it wrong

And you can’t make it right

I’m gon’ take off tonight into the night…

 

In the night I hear him talk the coldest story ever told

Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul,

To a woman so heartless

Oh, how could you be so heartless?

Oh, how could you be so heartless?

 

Oh, ’cause in the night I hear him talk the coldest story ever told

Somewhere far along this road he lost his soul,

To a woman so heartless

I listen to this song when I am cruising in my car with my other indie songs, along  with James Morrison and Daniel Powter. It is a good soul song for me when I am so angry with my ex and myself, and it feels good. I made my friend listened to this song and he was inspired to perform this song in his gigs too. So I thought of sharing this song to some people who doesn’t know might enjoy listening to this as much as I do. I will post the song up here if I can.

I went to Krabi in May 2009, and it was more beautiful than I could have ever dream of. I love beaches, for those of you who know me, you know I’m a sucker for the sea and the sun. While Malaysia has beautiful beaches that may rival Phillipines and Thailand themselves, I was stunned by the beauty of Krabi.

The beach and islands surrounding Krabi

I went with my mom, aunts, cousin and my sis. No men, came on this trip. It was pure relaxation and away from stress. It’s one thing to be swept away by the sheer natural beauty of the coast, its another to be stunned by the hotels beautiful chalet architecture and its beautiful surroundings. Now for ANY  anyone who is looking for a honeymoon, please go to this place. It is stunning. While the price may be a tad bit high for us Malaysian’s, but if your looking for a vacation with beach views, warm service, away from the concrete jungle and ultimate soul searching… this is the place.

The resort we went, Tubkaak Resort. We went for a package, though we had an advantage as there were 6 of us in total, we booked the deluxe rooms.

The deluxe room that we stayed :

The door handles are wooden and requires you to lock with a real lock, not those with the automatic cards. Now while you may be pondering how then, think of it as chalet style. Each room has a lanai, some may be indoor some outdoor.The rooms are well scented with aromatic oils the minute you enter, and the beds are heavenly. Our room had an outdoor custom made bath tub – shower indoor, while each room is actually designed differently, my aunt’s shower and bathtub was actually outdoor.The shampoos and soaps are handmade and you can tell, by the color and the scent that its from orchids.

If your a pool person – the pool is definitely worth a dip into when the sun is up. The cool water is simply delightful after your warm sun bathing.

If your a sea/beach person – two thumbs up!! They don’t have beach chairs but what they do have are these bean bag waterproof cushions that allows you to seat two persons comfortably or just be a glutton and take two of it – prop yourself under the sun. *drool* heaven.

Food is relatively good at the hotel, reminded me of Bonton. The warm and friendly service is definitely 5 star treatment, the free 1 hour massage was excellent. Everything seems too good. Now one must be wondering, what is there to do in this place?

Krabi and Tubkaak Resort

Shopping… dead as a fish

Unfortunately shopping in Krabi is OK only, not the best place to buy furniture’s or clothes, but maybe for some interior decorating. We went to Ao Nang, and we didn’t particularly bought anything except some ice cream while walking. Other than that, shopping in Malaysia and Bali markets is way better.

Krabi, Thailand is better known for their adventure trails and their diving sites rather than shopping and eating. Best save your shopping and eating in Bangkok. Otherwise, if your in for just some relaxing, adventure  and island hopping vacation, this is the place to go.

Hop hop hop around the islands…

Phi Phi Island sadly has lost its beauty due to the tsunami. The corals around are pretty much dead, and the water is not as blue as I used to remember from what everyone told me. Instead, the other islands around Phi Phi Island are way much better, the corals are more alive, more colorful fishes, the water is more clearer and bluer. You’ll be amazed by the beauty of it.

Rent a private boat and the captain will take you to at least 4 islands, price of it is definitely expensive hence its a better idea to go if you have a group of 8. There were 6 of us, but we had friends who were also there by chance but were staying on the other islands – which you can personally pick them up and you can dutch the price with everyone, ends up to be more worth it as you can ask the sea captain to take you to places that are non commercial and they provide food as well.

Food for thought…

Eating around Krabi, is nothing like eating seafood in Langkawi. The local food was disappointing and sadly was lacking the local Thai taste which we were so looking forward too. Instead, the upper class restaurants like ‘Pakarang’ proved to be delectable, delicious and hit the Thai taste criteria we were looking for. What was really weird though, was that asking the hotel for recommendations proved to be wrong thing to do, but asking the driver gave us better food choices. So keep in mind to ask the local drivers and not the hotel recommendations, as of most likely the hotel would earn 10% profit from tourist when asked to dine at these tourist restaurants. There was another excellent restaurant but sadly I do not remember the name of it. When I do I would jot it down here again.

On the other hand, for drinks I would recommend to try their ice blended coconut drinks, it is definitely worth a try. It will cool your body down anyway, so its good to have this after a hot sweaty day.

Kayaking… left, right, left, right

The hotel we stayed had free kayaking service which prove to be fun and exciting. You can kayak as far as you want, if your daring enough. It is probably one of the best activities to do, if you’ve got nothing else. Either way, have fun in Krabi and enjoy the unspoiled natural beauty of the island.

Tiger Cave Temple…

For those who would like to see some local monument, the tiger cave temple should be a place to go. Hike up the mountain or just walk around, and you can see and experience the spiritual side of Thailand. Monks and Buddhist alike give their prayers and respect to the gods in this cave. Folk legend goes that in this cave, lived many and is a sanctuary for the tigers. Hmm… another story though I’m not sure whether I could believe is that, the Thailand triad leader lived here to escape the law, as it would definitely be a place that law cannot touch. Who knows?

Other things to do that I didn’t get to do, are mountain hiking and climbing, elephant rides, bungee jumping and water rafting. I didn’t know there were these activities and didn’t have the gear, proper attire, or nobody wanted to do it with me. I would most likely go to Krabi again in the future and would definitely try out these things another time.

Island hopping and views of Tubkaak Resort

Have fun in Krabi, and by the way 3 -4 nights in Krabi is more than enough.

http://www.tubkaakresort.com/